A Place for Mom's Family

When I talk to seniors who are putting themselves and others at risk I usually tell them the story of a resident I had a few years ago.  This gentleman was quite insistent that he was not going to give up his keys.  He explained that he didn't travel the highways or drive at night any longer.  He felt he had adapted his driving to the changes he was also seeing in himself quite well.  After he had been living in assisted living for about 3 months he went out to run an errand.  A few hours later, we got a call from his daughter saying that he had been going down a residential street and a child ran out into the street and he hit her and she was killed.  It was a long process for this gentleman.  I would have to say that he was never the same man.

 I will always ask a senior I am talking to on this subject if they could bear this same burden for the remainder of their life.  There is usually a very short time frame and they will relinquish their keys not wanting to take the ristk of having this same thing happen to them.

It's difficult to take the keys away, yes. Ask your family doctor to do it and then you won't be the bad guy.

I found out a couple of years ago that my local hospital runs a safe driving test program for seniors through their Occupational Therapy Department.  A great way to get an unbiased assessment of whether your parent truly is safe to drive or not.  If Mom or Dad isn't safe, some states would hold the closest caregiver/family member liable for any accidents if they were aware and allowed the senior to continue driving BUT...there was a 90 something year old spitfire of a lady who actually proved to her daughter she was safe to still be driving!!!  She hung her certificate of safe driving on her fridge in her apartment for everyone to see.  "Ha! My daughter is the one who is the bad driver," she would say!   

Since many seniors refuse to give up driving and accept that it is no longer safe for themselves or others, many families face a significant dilemma when, despite their best efforts to take the car away, discover the resourcefulness of their senior loved ones. 

One family reported that their father had become extremely resourceful and quickly contacted service technicians or AAA to tow in for repairs and having "disabled" cars repaired, lost keys re-made by locksmiths, etc.  The family finally hit upon the perfect solution. 

After contacting their local sheriff's office and advising of their plan, they arranged for the car to be "stolen."  The sheriff's department dutifully completed the stolen car report for Dad but advised there was little hope for recovery as it had probably "already been shipped overseas."  Fortunately, Dad did not have the resources to go buy another car but I'm certain he probably ordered a cab to take him to the local dealership in a valiant last ditch attempt to continue his independence and driving privileges.

 And, yes, the family sold the car and used the proceeds to help pay for Dad's living expenses.  I don't know if I could advise this as a solution for everyone but sometimes a creative solution provides the best resolution for all!