A Place for Mom's Family

Today's Seniors: Surviving DownsizingThe reasons for moving are all too clear: your home has become too big for you, it’s too much to maintain, and you’d like to spend more time with children and grandchildren. But you remain rooted in place, daunted by the seeming immensity of breaking free.  In fact, there’s no way to minimize the size of the task that awaits you. If you own your home, you have to put it on the market; deal with realtors, bankers, buyers, and lawyers; sign scores of documents; and then go through the process all over again when you buy or rent a new home.  You also have to decide what you want to take with you and find a way to dispose of the items you leave behind. And you have to make a seemingly endless series of arrangements, from scheduling movers and packers to opening and closing accounts with utilities, phone companies, and banks.  And then there are the emotional obstacles. Parting with your possessions—even those you haven’t used in years—can seem like a diminishment of your life, as does leaving a home that for decades you’ve called your own. And when it comes time to part with them, even the most trivial of objects can become incredibly sticky, adhering firmly to your hands with bonds of memory, guilt, and good intentions. You meant to clean that old set of silver you inherited from your great-aunt, but somehow you just never got around to it. If you sell it now, you never will.In the final analysis, downsizing is not a do-it-yourself task. It’s only natural to need plenty of support, both physical and moral, to get the job done.  But with some assistance, it can be done and done well:·      Break the task down into sections. If you have children, you might ask one of them who lives nearby to take charge of selling your house and ask others to look into the housing alternatives in your new location.·      Come up with a system that will help you dispose of your belongings. Some you’ll take with you, some you’ll throw out, some you’ll sell, and others you’ll give away.  Have a friend or family member go through your possessions with you. Sometimes all it takes is the opportunity to reminisce about an object to release its grasp.    ·      Call in the professionals. There are businesses that will do everything from organizing a garage sale to helping you decide which furniture you should take with you to your new home.  No matter what their age, people are surprisingly resilient. Most people who have downsized feel liberated by the experience and have few regrets when they’re done. Once you downsize, you’re free to look forward to the future, rather than feel held back by the past.Web ResourceFor assistance in downsizing, consult the National Association of Senior Move Managers.

 

 Thanks, this is great advice. My granmother wants to move into an assisted living facility but the only real thing holding her back is the fact that everytime she goes to go through her stuff and get rid of what she doesn't need, she gets overwhelmed-she's always been a bit of a pack rat so its extremely overwhelming- and then the idea of going through selling her house just puts the final killing blow in her plans to move to a smaller, more managable place.

That is true.  I work with a community that is both Independent & Assissted Living.  We have several people we use to help with that organization of things.  They look at where you want live, help you decide on what best fits, discuss your likes and dislikes, then help you make the right decision on what should go with you.  They will even help you sell what is left!  We have many compliments on the work they do and they have been described as a "lifesaver"!  One lady said she pulled aside just the stuff she didn't want to part with, had the family come in to look through everything else and take what they want. The rest was a garage sale waiting to happen.  They waited to do the garage sale until Mom was moved so she didn't have to face it all.  It was an easier transition when all was said and done.

Thanks for posting this, Jessica. I'm a member of NASMM and can vouch that most of the members I've met are quite resourceful and all share a desire to help ease the stress of moving for seniors. Katie Hustead Owner, Paper Moon Moves A senior move management company serving New York City www.papermoonmoves.com

One of the issues that my mother first needed to address was 'who do you trust?'  some seniors, as well as adult children, look at their homes as the keeper of fond memories.  This creates difficult circumstances to 'let go' of the home.  Years ago she and my father assigned me as their POA to address this issue.  they knew that I would work with mom compassionately yet realistically.  I would listen to her concerns and be reasonable about taking care of her needs.  All the jargon in the world wasn't going to change 'Letting go' to 'Right sizing', but working together we were able to reduce the volume from her home to a more manageable size.  A Place for Mom helped us identify some companies in the area to help get us packed.  Since my brother showed no interest in receiving anything from the house (except the cash from the home sale), most of the content went to donation or moved with mom to the assisted living center.  

I involved her in the decisions of where the items would be donated.    'Do you want to donate the children's beds to the orphanage or to the shelter for battered women?'  These were choices that let her know how the things she had good memories with, could help and sweeten the lives of people less fortunate than herself.  She and my dad had an unbelievable amount of office supplies: notebooks, paper, pens, pencils, boxes of crayons, compasses, rulers, etc.  I called the county public schools office and asked if they had a program to provide supplies to kids who were in need.  The gal I spoke was delighted.  she told me that so much of the time donations come at the beginning of the school year however the kids seem to get forgotten about later in the year.  With budget cutbacks, these programs are the first to suffer.  kids need supplies throughout the school year so the cases of spiral notebooks and pens were a big plus.

when she finally moved into the senior apartments, she seems to have adjusted quickly, making new friends and getting involved in new activities.  She misses the house but is now looking forward again.  she is closer to friends and family which she feels are all pluses to a happier life.

 

This is a great topic, Jessica...thanks for posting it! The immense undertaking of helping a senior sort through a lifetime's worth of possessions in the process of downsizing, or simply helping to de-clutter a hazardously messy house is all-too common for families and caregivers. Baffling questions such as "Why did Mom and Dad save every single issue of National Geographic from the past three decades?!" and "How can they possibly think they'll ever use that old typewriter again?" are superseded by questions like "What in the world do I do with all this junk?" and "How can I get Mom and Dad to part with these things?" Home Instead Senior Care has a number of resources for family caregivers caught in this very situation. Here are some links you may find helpful:10 Reasons Seniors Hang on to Stuff (And What to Do About It) http://homeinstead.com/Lists/doclistlib/Attachments/345/10_Reasons.pdf

If Your Senior Won’t Let Go… http://homeinstead.com/Lists/doclistlib/Attachments/346/Let_Go.pdf

A Caregiver’s Guide to Spot Clutter Creep http://homeinstead.com/Lists/doclistlib/Attachments/347/Spot_Clutter_Creep.pdf

You can also visit www.homeinstead.com for more senior care resources.