My parents have been married for 59 years! A miracle in today's world and yet it has been a marriage of hurt, verbal and physical abuse, lies, hatred, deception and affairs on my Dad's part. Throughout my growing up, I knew at a very young age that my parent's marriage wasn't like Ozzie and Harriet. I have never seen them kiss, hold hands or show other signs of physical affection. Don't get me wrong, there were many, many good moments, too. Anyway, this brings me to the present situation.
Mom is 80 years old and suffers from dementia. What she no longer does is: finances, drives, or cooks. I have taken over these responsibilities. Everything else she still does. She is on Aricept, Namenda and Citalopram. The majority of the time, she does her crossword puzzles, goes to adult daycare 2x a week and loves it, watches the news and reads both daily newspapers. Occasionally, she even babysits her great-grand daughter. However, every once in a while, her mood will change and she will be very, very angry at my Dad. It is hard for me to tell whether her anger is real or bitter memories from the past. Granted, my Dad does not help the situation when he blows up when he's had enough of her ranting. This escalates into my Mom "barricading" her bedroom door.
I just returned from a 10 day trip and although she was very chipper when I was away, it seems that her mood is changing day by day. She didn't want to go out to dinner on her birthday because my Dad was going. Then, the next day, my Dad calls and says she is in a GREAT mood. Today, I got a call from her at work, telling me to come and get her or I'll never see her again! She said that my Dad wasn't home and that means he doesn't care (he was at his senior citizen group meeting). I tell my boss, I must leave work, I drive over there and she asks me why am I there? She's still very agitated and wants to live separately from my Dad.
I don't know which is the "real" her anymore. I don't know which voice to listen to. I don't know what else to do. Her geriatrician set up a meeting with a social worker next week to discuss the possibility of an assisted living. I'm very afraid of the costs. My parents have some money but, it will not last long if she goes into one of these facilities. I'm beginning to think I need to see a therapist. The roller coaster ride continues.