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Mom doesn't want to go to a Nursing Home

Last post 03-22-2012 7:46 PM by yllainehudges. 16 replies.
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  • 03-29-2010 11:04 PM

    Mom doesn't want to go to a Nursing Home

    I really need some help before I lose my sanity! My mother is 96 and has been living semi alone meaning that I'm their when I can. She has a housekeeper who stays 4 hours a day five days a week. My mom is 90% blind, unable to get around, and has dementa. Her doctor's have communicated to me that she needs 24/7 care. Something that I've known for sometime. I was just trying to keep her home because she is happiest there. I have found a good nursing home for her. The problem is that she is kicking and screaming LOUD to return home. She's currently in rehabilitation waiting to be placed. Of course, I am the target of her anger! She says mean cruel things to me that cuts to the bone. I'm emotionally drained and super sensative.

    Will she ever except the fact that she can't go home? Will she ever get acclaimated in her new home? How can I shield myself from being torn apart emotionally? What can I do to make her transition positive?


    Ms. Pat

  • 03-30-2010 12:23 AM In reply to

    Re: Mom doesn't want to go to a Nursing Home

     i'm sure you have gotten as much of her stuff in there as possible ... i really feel for you i finally had to move my mom in with me ... one thing that helped me was getting mom out and going for drives as often as i could and goin for ice cream at micky d's ...good luck

  • 03-30-2010 1:11 AM In reply to

    Re: Mom doesn't want to go to a Nursing Home

    Maybe you can try the residential type ,as of AFH , they are very nice places , i can tell you one you can try is by valley hospital medical center, resident mgr i can give you all the info if you like.
  • 03-30-2010 1:48 AM In reply to

    Re: Mom doesn't want to go to a Nursing Home

    I think your referring to assistant living where seniors have their own apartments in a controled medical environment. To years ago, when I noticed her health declining, I alone with her doctor tried to get her to move into one and she said no. It's so interesting because she loves her place. If I look at it from her point of view, it's all that she has left of her indepedence and she's fighting to keep it. She's not concerned about her health nor my mental being.

  • 03-30-2010 12:18 PM In reply to

    Re: Mom doesn't want to go to a Nursing Home

    Have you explored residential care homes as an option? They have tend to have a smaller, home-like environment that might be a better fit for your mother. Some offer a level of care on par with an Assisted Living community. If you'd like to learn more about residential care homes you can check out the following article: I hope you find a great solution for your mother soon!
  • 06-14-2010 5:28 AM In reply to

    Re: Mom doesn't want to go to a Nursing Home

    i know its a difficult situation and you have tried your level best, but if your mom wants to go home than their is no issue with that, as you said you and your home help provider is not available all the time but it can be managed by hiring a carer who can provide 24-hr live in care service that will solve your problem and with that if your mom come back to home it will increase the self-esteem of her and will help in improving her condition.

  • 07-15-2010 5:51 PM In reply to

    Re: Mom doesn't want to go to a Nursing Home

    I have experienced what your going through! My grandmother had the same problem to where she did not want to a home and was angry. However, over time she has acclomated to the new place and although she doesn't love it there, it's somewhere she can feel at home.


    Good luck, I hope everything works out! Smile




  • 08-20-2010 6:50 AM In reply to

    Re: Mom doesn't want to go to a Nursing Home

     Hi Ms. Pat,

     It is difficult situation for you and for your mom. But I want to say that if she wants to stay at home so it is better for you to take care of your mom at home, There are a lot of Home care servic providers who can help you out to come out in this situation. By doing so, you could be happy as well as your mom. You can visit for information about home care and home help services for elderly people.It is a home care service provider.

    I hope this information will help you to come out from critical situation.

  • 04-05-2011 6:16 PM In reply to

    Re: Mom doesn't want to go to a Nursing Home

    My Mom wants to live and die in the same home.  She won't even talk about it and now dementia has set in and I worry for her safety.  She has been adamant about this for years, and I've done my best to keep her happy and well-cared for.  I know she will fight to the death to stay where she is even if she doesn't know who people are around her, most of the time.  There is absolutely no quality of life, but she would rather have it this way than go into a nursing home.  She has good care givers and everything I can provide, but ......  .  How do I get her out of the car and into a nursing home while she is fighting and screaming?  I know it is time.

  • 04-21-2011 7:25 PM In reply to

    Re: Mom doesn't want to go to a Nursing Home

    Hi, I don't have any answers for you because I am going through the same thing with my Dad, it is time to get him into a nursing home and I don't know how to go about doing it because I just know that he will get very volatile.  He is still a very strong man, even at 90 and it scares me.  He has gotten very angry before and I know what he can be like.  I worry about him and me because I live alone with him and there is no telling at this point what he may do next.  If you have gotten and advice or just want to compare notes, I would love to hear from you.

  • 05-03-2011 10:37 PM In reply to

    Re: Mom doesn't want to go to a Nursing Home

    My mom is 99 yrs old and is the same way, in Dec. social services in NC told me I had 30 mins. to move my mom to an enviorment where she was never alone, I live less than a quater mile from her an am in an out all day but that was not good enough for them. Try explaining to a 99 yr old why she has to stay in her daughters house with screaming, fighting teens!! She stayed with us for about 5 weeks, of course no one was ever around when I needed help! I was so stressed I went down to 95lbs. Every time I took mom to the Dr. they wanted to hospitalize me. I also began to resent my mom, feel REAL BAD about that, but it is the hardest thing in the world to see your tough, rugged, mom reduced to a baby!! I finally had to give in and put her in residential care in Dec. now the state of NC is trying to take her home & property, plus they only leave me 30.00 a month to pay her bills! IMPOSSIBLE!!! At this time I am planning on bring her home, she is very unhappythere, just don't know how we will manage as my husband lost his job, and there is no work available for me, plus I will have to take care of mom..Any suggestions??????
  • 05-11-2011 12:49 PM In reply to

    Re: Mom doesn't want to go to a Nursing Home

    Reba - Wow, there is indeed a lot on your plate!  There are many questions you raise here and issues you are dealing with currently.  Please feel free to contact me directly at so that I can understand & assist with your priorities.

    Keep eating and breathing - early and often!

    Merret Mann

  • 05-25-2011 7:03 AM In reply to

    • Michael D
    • Top 500 Contributor
    • Joined on 05-25-2011
    • New Hampshire
    • Posts 9

    Re: Mom doesn't want to go to a Nursing Home


     As you are caring for your mother, please don't underestimate the importance of caring for yourself.  I know that it can seem counter productive, but do your best to find respite.  I have written an article on respite that might be helpful.

     Remember that you are not alone in your situation.  

     Take Care



  • 09-09-2011 1:12 AM In reply to

    Re: Mom doesn't want to go to a Nursing Home

    I know its a difficult situation and you have to tired your best ti handle this situation and come out with the best solution.....
  • 12-01-2011 8:41 AM In reply to

    Re: Mom doesn't want to go to a Nursing Home

    Many elderly people with dementia are treated at home through in-home nursing care. Trained and qualified caregivers will provide her with 24/7 service at home. My mother responded better to treatment for a very long time when she was at home in familiar surroundings. Going through this is difficult, but be strong.

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