A Place for Mom's Family

I've worked with a few seniors who have been very reluctant to move from either home or another community because of the friends and memories they have created.   One even cried in the marketing director's office while touring the new community.   I suggested the marketing director send over a disposable camera and a small photo album so the resident could take pictures with her friends during some activities.  Then, when she gets to the new community, she can put the photos in the album with a few new friends helping her.  It gives her an opportunity to tell the stories behind the pictures and lets her new friends and staff get to know her.   Save a few pictures to take photos at the new community and add them to the book to create continuity and remind her that there are plenty of new memories to create.   Families and marketing directors have loved the idea.

That's a great idea Carol!  I can't stress enough the involvement of as many family members in the transition of Mom and Dad into their new surroundings.  So many communities have so much to offer and when the family can be there to show their loved one around, perhaps going to a movie or activity with them to help them meet new friends as well as enjoy the specialness of their new home, transition is much easier. 

What a fantastic idea!  I also encourage families to spend their loved one's birthday in their "new home" by reserving the private dining room available to the residents etc.  This gives them the opportunity to still play "host" to their family and feel as if their family member is "coming over to THEIR house."  Inviting other residents/friends to share in the cake and ice cream can be fun too and allow the resident to "show off" their family!  What senior doesn't love to "show off" grandchildren or great grandchildren!  A short time is best, as the senior may grow tired, but a fun activity no less.  I used to have family members (when I was an Administrator) prepare their loved one's favorite meal at their own home, bring it to the community ,reserve the private dining room and enjoy a meal together!  Just a thought!

My mom is not too social, so the elder care options often have bubbly people who gush over the friendly events to offer.  I think Mom would find her niche and be as social as she wanted once the transition was made (she's stubborn and will do what she wants in the end), but its JUST ANOTHER excuse for her to drag her feet into the inevitable decision to move from the big house she's been in -- for 45 years!  If you have ideas. 

 Also, this is the first time in the forum so I'm not sure I'm posting correctly.

Hi 5 for mom!   Welcome to our commutity and thanks for posting.  Your mom's reaction is very typical.   Sometimes new residents do spend a lot of their time in theri own new apartments getting acclimated, however - they do have to venture out for  meals in the dining room and they tie in activites near meal times  so she would gradually start  being more social.  In her situation you may want to consider a respite stay - "a try it on" where she can stay for a long weeekend or a week.  With a commmunity ofr 60 or more residents Im sure she would be able to  make a connection with someone with a compatible personality and the marketing person would be a great judge of which  residents to pair up as potential friends. Best of luck!

Hi 5formom, I went throught the same thing with my mother when it was decided she could not stay in the house any longer. She was not a very social person either. My father was a slightly controlling person when it came to their social life. He preferred the attitude of "keep to ourselves so no knows our private life", so mom really didn't go out and visit the neighbors. After my father passed away, she became even more of a recluse, which was not a good thing for someone with Alzheimer's. We needed to get her moved and get her acclimated. Well, needless to say, she dug her heels in all the way to the front door, but we proposed to her, "stay for a month, if you don't like it, you can come home", BUT we told her that she had to give it a REAL chance. All agreed, and the move was made. Within that month, my mother came out of her shell, started a walking club, participated in all the activities, enjoyed the food to such a point she finally topped the scales at 120 pounds for some one who was 100 for the majority of her elder years. She has now been there for two years and loves every minute of it. Needless to say, we all were relieved. It turned out to be one of the best things we could have done for her and us.

Thanks for the suggestion I will have to try that. I am having a rough time today. I just put mom into a elder care home, everyone there had a lot in common with my mom as for as the dementia stage. My mother has been playing in a band for many years and now all her members have all passed. The last was my Dad who unfortuneatly committed suicide. My dad had been covering for her for at least 2 years. She wasnt as bad until she broke her him in a fall. While in the hospital she had a mini heart attack they said and I was told she had to have a hip replacement. After the anistetic she has not been the same. My dad had stayed with her for weeks in the hospital after four weeks of being there all day and most of the night he ended up in the hospital with congenital heart failure. The day mom went to rehab he went into the hospital. A few days later he was out and went to dinner at the rehab center with my brother.He told my brother that they had said he had a spot on his lungs. My father said it was when he was in the army and he had know about it since then and nothing ever came of it. The next morning after the dinner he called to tell my brother he had cancer. He said he didnt want to be a burdon on anyone. My brother tryed to talk to him but my dad said he was tired. He was 86 and him and mom had been married over 60 years. He said he loved us but he was going to take his life cause he didnt want us to have to be burdend with him. My brother ask what about mom hoping that he would come to his sinces and thinking maybe dad was just feeling sorry for himself. He thought maybe if he shifted caring for my mom dad would snap out of it. He said that we would have to care for her.My brother was there in 30 min and had called the police. He didnt arrive until just before he did. But it was to late. Dad took his life. We cant and wont tell mom. But when she went into the care home it has men and women and one of them is into music. My mother would one minute be in good frame of mind and tell me to put her in a home and now that I have shes upset with me. She is saying alot of things to the caregivers.I did have to telll her she was having dinner there whilel my husband and I had sometime for ourselves. Then later they told her she would be staying there. I would have nevrt been able to get her to go any other way. She would have not left the house. But she was at the point where she was getting upset and mean and would call out to strangers to driver her back to her home in another state. I have stayed out of work since may trying to get her settled in and had hoped I couldl just get someone to come in while I was at work I see that cant happened. I suppose by all this writing you can tell I feel the guilt tramendously. I had already made collage of her days in the band and my dad and friends. But with your idea I will have to try she does like the lime light. I sure wish someone would pench me and I would wake up from this night mare.