A Place for Mom's Family

I wasn't able to be there while this was happening...I was interviewing to hire two new employees...And the facility nurse thinks it's best that I not see her until she's had time to feel comfortable there.   Poor Carol, she had such a hard day.  After I left work I stopped and bought her a single red rose (red's her favorite color) then stopped at home to collect two of her favorite stuffed animals.  The facility main reception was closed when I got there so I used the emergency phone outside the door to get someone to come to the door and promise to deliver them to Carol. Even if I didn't get to see her I feel better knowing she had a few of her favorite things...

So here's the thing....Carol's getting the attention 24 hours a day that I couldn't give her.  This facility tries to improve the quality of life for the residents.  The Doctor was able to examine her and found the infection which I had no way to do.  And they've helped me to realize that all her agression was caused my the anxiety and fright she's feeling and not anything I was doing.    

Thanks for sharing your story Bill.  Hang in there. We had a very similar situation when we had to move my Dad's Mom into an assisted living.  Emotionally it's brutal.  But you know she's safer, well cared for, and will ultimately get to a point where she can have a better life soon.  And so can you.

 So many people go through this - thanks again for sharing.

 Sincerely,

Hello Maggie

Thanks for the encouragement.  I wasn't aware that a urinary tract infection in an elderly person could affect behavior.  When I talked to Carol's Doctor he told me that he'd found that she had an infection but didn't say anything else about it.  I feel better about myself knowing this, at least I have something to hope for.  Thanks again !!!

 Bill

I'm happy to help! 

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Take care,

Maggie

Hi Barbara

Welcome to the group!  I didn't see anything in your reply to my post,  If you want, please post your reply again, I'm interested in any information I can get.

oh bill, i read what you wrote about carol and i had to join in this chat.

my mother who is 81 went through the exact same thing as Carol did.  Last Monday we had a staffing at a rehab center that she was in and they told us she could go home as long as we had 24 hour supervision.  we thought that was great and thought it was what mom wanted.  she left the room crying and angry with us but the nurses told us to tell her we loved her and go home.  so we did that.  the next day when visiting her she was pacing the place in a wheelchair and saying that "everyone is tricking me"  which unfortunately meant us too.  this went on for 2 days and they did a urine sample and said indeed she had an infection but the doctor didnt' think it was bad enough to cause her this much distress.  so because everyone was tricking her or playing games with her, she quit taking all of her meds.  even family couldn't get her to take them.  several of her meds are important to her confusion like her thyroid and we felt she should have it.  so the care center (with our approval) sent her to the ER  in an ambulance.  they gave her haldol which made her legs and arms fidgity.  so they gave her another and she turned into almost a caged animal.  it was very hard for my dad and myself to keep her in bed and laying down for 5 hours.   then doc came in and said it wasn't working (no joke) and gave her ativan instead which made her more relaxed but still the saddest thing i have ever witnessed or ever care to.  finally after the 5 hours they got her in a room  upstairs in the hospital and put her in a posy bed so she wouldn't be able to get out.  we all left in tears and lots of guilt.  but each day has gotten better now because she is taking her meds and the anitbiotic is working.  she has no clue what she has been through and we are not going to tell her.  all she knows is that she was very very sick and we had to bring her to the hospital.  she is back to being our regularly confussed mom and we can handle it again.  she will go back to the rehab center to try to get some strenght back and after that we don't know what to do.  it's so hard to place her in a home when she is lucid and so hard to have her home when she is not.  we also worry about her safety and my father's.  he is a very healthy 85 and works 2 days a week and bowls like nobody else his age.  but it's beginning to wear on him too.  so now we worry about both.  will have to see what happens in the next few days.

 i hope Carol will do well from here on out.

 viv

 How is your wife now. I'll pray for you, this guilt is a killer.

Maureen V