A Place for Mom's Family

My sweet Dad was diagnosed with dementia about 10 months ago. They live about 25-30 minutes from me depending on traffic. Neither one of them drives so I'm the errand and appointment girl---that is manageable---I only work 2 days/week. But he took a bad fall on May 21---elbow through the wall and he's really declined dramatically since then. My folks are both 85 and have been married for 67 years this June 23. They've had a beautiful, fun, engaged marriage and now my poor mom just yells at him a lot. She's exhausted, justifiably, and just loses her patience. I really feel they need to look at an assisted living situation or at least help in the home but Mom just keeps saying "not now". I was down there today and it's a huge challenge to get Dad up and into the wheelchair or walker. I'm so afraid he's going to fall and take Mom down with him. She refuses to see the reality that things are just going to get worse and we need to do something now. We have some nice facilities near me that I''ve checked out. I asked her today if she'd just at least take a look at some of these places and of course it was "not now". Help !!!!!---what can I do to convince them that we need to do something NOW.

Since you are 30 mins away you should look into having someone there once daily if to just cook a meal or get your Dad up and ready for the day so your Mom doesnt end up really hurting herself.

  To make it a slow transitition just say you will just set up some interviews and if they feel comfortable with the person then great if not then interview more. I went through place for mom and found a good fit for awhile but eventually my Mom had to move cause my Dad couldnt take care of her properly and was getting mad all the time..Good luck!

Tanya---thanks for your response but a lot has changed since my post in June. My sweet Dad (THE best Dad ever---he REALLY was!!) was really declining and we thought it was just the dementia progressing. Long story short, we got him to the emergency room via ambulance on Friday Aug. 3 and on Aug. 4 we found out he had cancer in his kidneys, lungs, pancreas, and liver. He passed away 2 weeks later---Aug. 17. It was the most brutal 2 weeks of my life but there were some blessings---watching him disappear for the last year with the dementia kind of prepared us for losing him completely. And we think he probably had cancer since May and not knowing that was actually okay--the treatment wouldn't have changed because of the aggressiveness of the cancer. But now my poor Mom is LOST. They were married for 67 fun, wonderful years and she misses him so much---they were 17 and 18 when they were married. They did everything together--that generation was kind of like that. I want to move her closer to me to someplace where she could have socialization but for now she doesn't want to move or do anything. She says she's at peace in their home which I understand. But she's so lonely.We talk 3-4 times/day and I go down there 1-2 times/week. We're doing our best. Anyway, thanks for your response.