A Place for Mom's Family

Alzheimer’s Aggression

Charlie Powell feels like he lost his dad a long time ago.

His dad, who has Alzheimer’s disease, doesn’t just forget who Powell is—he sometimes becomes violent.

“Once, me and mom disabled his car so that he couldn’t drive it, and he soon realized what we’d done,” Powell, 50, says. “He rushed across the living room and literally growled at me like a bear in the most frightful way. Thirty seconds later, he didn’t know he’d done it, and everything was fine.”

The “bear incident” is just one of many that eventually caused Powell and his family to put their 86-year-old father into a nursing home. “Once, the doctors noticed that mom’s eardrums were both ruptured, and they realized dad probably slapped her upside the head and cupped her ears.”

Unfortunately, Alzheimer’s aggression is fairly common among Alzheimer’s patients. There’s cursing, hitting, grabbing, kicking, pushing, throwing things, scratching, screaming, biting, and making strange noises. More than 4.5 million Americans are diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease every year, and up to half can show some of these behaviors. The number of total Alzheimer’s sufferers is projected to balloon to 16 million by 2050.  

Alzheimer’s aggression is one of the main reasons most people put their parents in nursing homes. Fortunately, new medications and coping methods can help, though agitation and aggression are still a misunderstood aspect of Alzheimer’s.

This article continues at Alzheimer's Aggression and Care for Alzheimer's. 

 This is a wonderful article and so full of information for me to use for my own situation. Thank you for sharing it with us. Many blessings to all who come to seek the answers and find peace for their hearts.

Rainbow 

My mother had always been aggressive with me and my siblings when we were young and had a quick temper throughout my knowing her.  When I was subjected to her anger while she and my dad lived with me when my father's health was failing, I just chalked it up to the same old same old behavior pattern that I had come accustomed to.  After Dad passed, Mom mourned for a good year, then started telling me she was dreaming strange things like people in her living room who would be there when she awoke, seeing Dad and thinking someone had come into her home and disconnected her television and VCR cables.  Her memory and her aggression got worse when she almost put her car through my sliding glass door when she backed out of the driveway upset about who knows what.  After that, her license was up for renewal and upon twice taking her into the DMV office, she got very disoriented both times.  She studied so hard for that darn sign test, but could not get her thoughts together at all and was off balance from it.  I asked her doctor to check her out after telling her of all the incidents that were occurring and her terrible moods and depression.  She got an MRI and there was no sign of a stroke, which is what I thought might be happening. The doctor said it is just her charachter, which I could not argue with since she had been pretty volatile to me most my life.  I spoke to my sisters who were local about her behavior, but you know how that goes, they were busy in their own lives and did not live with her to see these episodes and when they visited, Mom was on her best behavior, so no help there.  After several more years of this aggression toward me and mostly my poor husband and a final nasty comment toward my daughter, I threw in the towel to protect myself and my family.  I was pre-menopausal with a very demanding job and the rock of the family had become mush and I just could not handle it.  So I let her go and my first choice of where was to have her placed in a skilled facility that could handle her, but my sisters could not see it and the youngest living out of state, decided to care for her.  Needless to say, the aggression continued and was mostly directed at her mate and her mate's adopted children with outbursts of vulgarity and some pulling of hair and plain nastiness in her attitude toward anyone that kept my sister from spending time with her.  She hated my husband and I for letting her go and all of the money she saved while living with me for 10 years in our joint account was moved to another and is now gone in two years.  My youngest sister had Mom's doctor prescribe medication to calm her so they can live with her, but doesn't want to deal with her anymore and get on with her life.  She moved farther away after another sister advised she would take Mom which will not happen since Mom has had some medical issues relating to an old fracture and a bladder infection which knocked her into yesteryear and took her motor skills away for awhile.  She is now in a skilled nursing facility in NC and I along with my sisters are going to bring her to a facility back home. 

I am kicking myself for not understanding what was going on with her then, too busy to research it and too emotional to know the difference to get the help that was out there like this website.  Maybe, just maybe, my family would not be so fractured due to my mother's money possibly being misspent, our children would not have been subjected to vicious episodes by their grandmother and we all could have come together to help Mom and each other cope with what was happening to her.  Instead, we just got upset that we could not carry on a good conversation with her anymore.  I write this mostly to others who are trying to figure out if this disease could be happening to their parent(s) and just want to tell them to listen, watch and learn from all the signs, all the facts and mostly from all the help from those who do know and have been here.

 Joani

 I'm so sorry that you had to learn this lesson in such a difficult way Joani. But the lesson is learned and you're speaking out to others by sharing your experiences so please, don't be kicking yourself anymore.

Turn it around, just like you're doing here, by helping others to be aware and to seek the help that is needed for those who are suffering.

Thank you for sharing this emotional time of your life. May you find many blessings during this stage of your life and comfort for your heart. 

Rainbow 

Hi, Joani -

Thank you for sharing your story. This will help others who are in the same situation and reaching out for information.

My best to you and your family.

Joani,

Thank you so much for sharing your story.  We all do the best with what we have and what we are faced with everyday.  You did so much more for her than you realize and the fact that you took the time to write this speaks volumes about your heart.  Please don't doubt yourself or your actions.

I wish your family peace as you continue your journey with mom.

Michelle

Dear Joani,

Kicking yourself for not understanding....really, I feel I just read a life story about a loving daughter WHO did everything she could to ease her Mother's pain and suffering and assisted her in everyway, even at the cost of yourself and your family.  please do not KICK yourself, but remember you are not equipped with medical tools and knowledge (remember when you were a little girl ?) YOU are equipped with the LOVE OF YOUR MOTHER- and you did so much for her with a huge cost.

Find the community near you and good luck to you. But this was a poignant loving story about a daughter trying to cope with the unknown. TAKE CARE !

Belinda

Eldercare Advisor.

Aggressive behaviors may be verbal (shouting, name-calling) or physical (hitting, pushing). These behaviors can occur suddenly, with no apparent reason, or can result from a frustrating situation. Whatever the case, it is try to understand what is causing the person to become angry or upset.

Possible causes

Aggression can be caused by many factors including physical discomfort, environmental factors and poor communication. If the person is aggressive, consider the following:

Physical discomfort

• Is the person tired because of inadequate rest or sleep?

• Are medications causing side effects?

• Is the person unable to let you know he or she is experiencing pain?

Environmental factors

• Is the person overstimulated by loud noises, an overactive environment or physical clutter?

• Does the person feel lost ?

Poor communication

• Are you asking too may questions or making too many statements at once?

• Are your instructions simple and easy to understand?

• Is the person picking up on your own stress and irritability?

• Are you being negative or critical?

How to respond

• Try to identify the immediate cause. Think about what happened right before the reaction that may have triggered the behavior.

• Focus on feelings, not the facts. Try not to concentrate on specific details; rather, consider the person's emotions. look for the feelings behind the words.

• Don't get angry or upset. Don’t take the behavior personally. The person isn’t necessarily angry with you. Be positive and reassuring. Speak slowly in a soft tone.

• Limit distractions. Examine the person's surroundings, and adapt them to avoid similar situations.

• Try a relaxing activity. Use music, massage or exercise to help soothe the problem.

• Shift the focus to another activity. The immediate situation or activity may have unintentionally caused the aggressive response. Try something different.

• Decrease level of danger. Assess the level of danger — for yourself and the person with Alzheimer’s. You can often avoid harm by simply stepping back and standing away from the person. If the person is headed out of the house and onto the street, be more assertive.

• Avoid using restraint or force. Unless the situation is serious, avoid physically holding or restraining the person. He or she may become more frustrated and cause personal harm

Hi, Laura -

Thank you for this information!

WOW! I was starting to think I had Alzheimers, just trying to get back to this site! Thankfully I made it.  I read the article on Alzheimers aggression , then read these stories and comments , and HAD to express my appreciation to all of you. I've learned more in the last hour than I had thought possible. Thank you for all the great tips on dealing with this, I have new confidence not just in My coping skills but in my Grandmothers too! I was forgetting her amazing strength and courage, at 91 she is really incredible. Thank you for sharing your own story, I can see clearly now that she is the same beautiful woman I have always known, the only difference is now she looks to me for the support she's always given me. If I have learned anything from her it's that we all need help from our loved ones at some time , thats why we call them 'loved ones'. I have never known my Grandmother to be anything less than sweet , kind , and fun to be around , the first sign of aggression she displayed was so out of character for her I thought perhaps it was my fault. It's scary to watch such a genteel lady raise her voice in anger. I'm relieved to know it was not my fault, but more so to know it's not her fault either. Again thank you all for sharing, my prayers are with you, and with our family members that are suffering or struggling with this every day.

My Mom has entered into this stage of aggression--mostly at caregivers who come to the house. She is extremely verbally abusive. It is embarrasing for Dad and he needs these people to come and give him relief. We could really use some suggestions....we're hoping its just another stage.

Thank you so much for this subject of agression. The woman I take care of has had her alzheimers for 7 or 8 years and she will be 63 soon. She has aggression only towards an imaginary friend. Whenever she sees a mirror (ie,store, restroom,restaurant,) she goes off on her. Sometimes I think she is bipolar because she is fine one minute and then she goes off by yelling very loud.(one nite at midnight I thought the neighbors would call the police) She cusses, hits the mirror with her hands, kicks her closet door mirrors,or throws anything nearby or what she has in her hand at the time. This imaginary person is her reflection and she has just started finding anything that she can see herself in to go off on. In her rage she has 3 times tried to throw things at me and when I yell NO she snaps out of it.She has just started a medication that will make her friend go away and I am sure looking forward to that day.She is usually a funny and smart lady who keeps me laughing.Thanks for letting me share that with someone and thank you all for your comments and replys. I now know I am not alone out there.                                 Sharon D in Phoenix

My mother overnight became very aggressive, noncooperative, mean, and suspicious. She began hitting and kicking me and saying terrible things to me. She was not sleeping and walking the floor all night. After two emergency hospital visits with nothing medically wrong with her, she was admitted to a geratric psych ward where she was found to have a UTI. Once the antibiotic got into her system and cleared up the UTI, I had my pleasant mother back again. My biggest fear is that she will develop another UTI and that I will not be able to get her to her doctor for evaluation. What do you know about UTI's and aggression in dementia patients?

When my mother get's a UTI, she becomes combative as well only because she can't tell me what is wrong and is in pain.  Pain will bring on babbling and compative behavior in my mother's case all the time, she has been diagnosed with alzheimers and believe me, the medical problem is severe by that time.  always check the color of your mother's urine.  if darker than normal, brownish or red, you can bet she has one.  keep cranberry juice in the house all the time unless she is taking coumadin.  My mother has had many being in a nursing home due to sitting in wet diapers too long and is just plain prone to them.  a blood test usually advises us of an infection and we have to ask for it.  since your mom is at home with you, i would ask her every day if she is in any pain. there are windows of lucidity still with my mom and she does respond to the question.  hope this helps.

I am new to the site and already I know this will arm me with good information. I am such an emotional mess right now I can be of no help to anyone.

I am trying to take care of a mother-in-law who was very abusive in her youth and it is not getting any better as she ages. Her 4 kids do the best they can, but have too many issues with her to spend a lot of time and energy to make her golden years golden. I do the best I can to fill in the gaps but I am finding it hard to be helpful while being abused. If it were new behavior I think it would be easier to understand and overlook. Maybe by journeying with you I can establish better boundaries and make more compassionate decisions for her care.

Mom has been diagnosed with dementia but not Alzheimers. She verbally attacked me the other day ( something that had no basis in reality) and has not spoken to me since. I was crushed to the point of crying. Thank you for letting me know that this may have been just the disease speaking. It is so hard to tell if it is something that needs medical attention or if I am just dealing with the nasty side of Mom.

Daisy