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Article: Moving Elderly Parents: Convincing Mom and Dad When They Don’t Want To

Last post 06-11-2012 12:07 PM by HopePrivatCare. 10 replies.
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  • 01-12-2008 8:53 PM

    Star [*] Article: Moving Elderly Parents: Convincing Mom and Dad When They Don’t Want To

    Moving Elderly Parents: Convincing Mom and Dad When They Don’t Want To

    In 2001, Gail Heimberg says she had to make one of the most difficult decisions of her life. Her 88-year-old mother—a sharp, independent woman who had lived alone in Brooklyn, New York, for most of the latter part of her life—was quickly growing frail. While she used to walk from her home to the neighborhood bakery with ease, navigating the stairs of her circa-1920 apartment building had become a daily battle. “She couldn’t walk very well,” remembers Heimberg. “And her emphysema had worsened.”

    Heimberg knew the discussion she needed to have with her mother, yet like many adult children who were thinking of moving elderly parents, the three words “assisted living facility” seemed foreign, cold, and impossible to utter.

    A few months passed, and Heimberg got a disturbing call. Her mother had suffered a mild heart attack and had been taken to the hospital. Heimberg used the opportunity to share her concerns with her mother. I’m sure she now understands that she has to move someplace where she can be taken care of, thought Heimberg. But when the subject came to moving her mother away from her home, she was met with sharp resistance. “No,” said her mother firmly. “I’m not moving.”

    Those can be the most difficult words a concerned child may hear their elderly parent say. So how does a worried family member convince a recalcitrant parent that moving to a long-term care facility is in their best interest?

    This article continues at Moving Elderly Parents and Aging Parent Care.

  • 01-22-2008 8:39 AM In reply to

    Re: Article: Moving Elderly Parents: Convincing Mom and Dad When They Don’t Want To

     What a wonderful post and article!!! Thank you for sharing this with those of us who are struggling with this issue. I am going to pass it along to my siblings and use it for reference when the time comes for us to ask our selves these questions. 

    Many blessings,

    Rainbow 

  • 02-13-2008 8:36 AM In reply to

    Re: Article: Moving Elderly Parents: Convincing Mom and Dad When They Don’t Want To

    I wonder if the Mother had any friends who have moved into a community?  I'd get in contact with local communities that you think would meet Mom's needs and ask their staff for suggestions on how to bring Mom in for a visit or lunch.  They work with cases like this all the time.  Mom's a New Yorker, she's a tough cookie, you need to be just as tough! 

    Paul Hamilton

    A Place for Mom

    866-355-9427 

     

  • 03-04-2008 6:14 PM In reply to

    Re: Article: Moving Elderly Parents: Convincing Mom and Dad When They Don’t Want To

    Wow, thanks for this.  Most of all, thanks for the honesty!

     

    Paul Hamilton

    A Place for Mom

  • 06-06-2008 12:23 PM In reply to

    Re: Article: Moving Elderly Parents: Convincing Mom and Dad When They Don’t Want To

    As senior move managers we see too many folks who wait too long to move into Assisted Living or dementia care.  It's quite sad to see how far they let their quality of life deteriorate before they let go of a downhill situation.  Children of seniors often call us, exploring options for their parents, saying that the move is far off but they wish they could be safer and better cared for right now.  This article has many good points that I'll share with those in this situation who call on us. 

  • 11-27-2009 3:32 PM In reply to

    Re: Article: Moving Elderly Parents: Convincing Mom and Dad When They Don’t Want To

    This article has some great points that I am sure I will use when taking seniors and their families on tours of my community. I would like to make  people reading this aware of Holiday Retirement Communities. Our communities are considered independent retirement communities but we provide many services that assisted living facilities provide. Our amenities include three meals a day seven days a week, housekeeping, transportation to medical appointments and shopping, activities and outings, expanded cable TV and all utilities except telephone. We have an emergency call system which includes pull cords in the bedrooms and bathrooms that will summon a manager. There are two management couples that live on-site, so there is always someone who knows them, available for the residents.  All this is provided for one monthly rental amount without a large buy-in fee. The only thing we do not provide is medical care, but if residents need help, there are many caregivers willing to come to the community.

    When we take people on tours, we like to point out that they have worked hard their entire lives and it is time for them to enjoy our lifestyle. We also have a Travel Program where residents may stay at a guest room at another Holiday Community for free, meals included! I am at Carmel Place in Charlotte, NC. Go to www.holidaytouch.com to see if there is a community near where you are.

  • 11-20-2011 4:44 PM In reply to

    Re: Article: Moving Elderly Parents: Convincing Mom and Dad When They Don’t Want To

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  • 12-09-2011 11:35 AM In reply to

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    Re: Article: Moving Elderly Parents: Convincing Mom and Dad When They Don’t Want To

    My dad never listened to other people his entire life so as he aged it only got worse. Assisted living and live-in doctors were never a choice because of his attitude. After months and months of back and forth arguing with my stubborn dad, I found one method that finally proved useful. I brought a health monitoring system in his home, which allowed him to remain essentially independent, and safe at the same time. This is also a great article i found that gives some suggestions on what to do if your elderly parents refuse help http://www.criticalsignaltechnologies.com/blog/elderly-parents-refuse/
  • 01-19-2012 3:51 AM In reply to

    Re: Article: Moving Elderly Parents: Convincing Mom and Dad When They Don’t Want To

    That's a tough situation that most children have to face at some point in their lives. Though no matter how hard it is to convince your parents to live in a nursing home, etc...you just got to do it. Do consider his/her feelings and try to find the best home for them. A place that they would blend into and make sure to visit them regularly.
  • 05-12-2012 6:57 AM In reply to

    Article: Moving Elderly Parents: Convincing Mom and Dad When They Don’t Want To

    It’s really a tough situation to convince your mom and dad and especially when parents have different ideas and generation gap. It is also a big issue between parents and child, but now a day’s most of the parents accepted their child’s decision because they want their child to be self motivated but silently they cares a lot for them.
  • 06-11-2012 12:07 PM In reply to

    Re: Article: Moving Elderly Parents: Convincing Mom and Dad When They Don’t Want To

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