I have a friend who is the caretaker for her elderly father. He has good days and bad days. He is rather shakey and feeble on his legs and uses a cane/walker. He also has problems with BMs and must wear a diaper. They lived 6 1/2 hrs away from each other. When her father fell and was hospitalized, SS determined that he could no longer live in his home alone. He also had a stroke which prevents him from speaking well. So she brought him to her home. He has been there for about 4 years and has been very unhappy. I am trying to find ways to help her and him.
Here are my observations. He is usually mentally alert when I visit and if I'm patient, he engages me in cogent conversation. My friend and her husband treat him like he is a child and that he is deaf. They talk about him negatively in front of him. Just because someone can't speak well doesn't mean they are also deaf and demented. He does have some dementia, and has good days and bad days. He was always a very sociable person. Now he is alone with just his daughter and son-in-law. Very isolated. Nearly every day he sits and cries. He wants to go home, but obviously can't. He wants to see his brothers and sisters, but they are too far away. They tried a day treatment but he couldn't talk with people and worried about his bowels. So that didn't happen.
I have suggested that they hire someone to come in and help stay with him so (1) they can get time away and (2) he can become comfortable with the person. I've suggested that once he becomes comfortable, this hired caretaker could take him to a senior center where he can be involved with people. The person could help him with conversation. I've also suggested that she find some things for him to do. So she is having him sharpen her knives each week, for example. Its something that is use to do and knows how.
I know this forum is for caretakers, but I also see that our elderly parents' feelings are often not being considered. We either warehouse them someplace or treat them like imbeciles when sometimes it is unwarranted. I'm looking for suggestions to give my friend that will not only help her, but also her father. Also, I have a neuro muscular disease and am gradually becoming more dependent on others. I do not wish to be treated without dignity. In my opinion, my friends, although she loves her father dearly, isn't treating him with dignity. And now he's depressed, even though he's on antidepressants.. I recently got my friend to have his serum vitamin D levels checked and it was serioiusly low. So he's now on vitamin D supplements. Any suggestions? Thank you, Verleen