A Place for Mom's Family

I am new to this forum.  I am having trouble finding the right care for mom.  I know she really does not want to be in an ALF or nursing home but I have to work and cannot stay home and care for her.  I have tried two assisted living facilities.  First one lasted 2 month she was fine with it when she went in participated in some activites but then she had a fall.  After the fall she was not the same.  She began refusing to eat, take meds and was angry and violent, tried to hit staff members.  When she went to the hospital after the fall she also became very violent when she was told she would have to stay because she also had a UTI.  The second ALF I told them the way she was and they said they would accept her into their Dementia unit. Well it lasted two weeks.  I would go visit every evening not in the day because of work.  The second week she started not to eat again refuse meds and then again becoming angry, yelling, and not wanting to listen and also violent.  So the second ALF said she was a risk.  So her primary care put her in a nursing home facility well same there and she was only the for 3 days.  They switched her meds and it was horrible she was out of it but still angry and hitting.  I am at my wits end I am currently taking leave from work because I cannot deal with both at the same time.  It would be great to get some suggestions.  Is the really dementia?  Some tell me yes others say there is something else going on.  Her physician is not helpful at all and I am thinking about switching.  Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks

So am I, new to the forum. I also have just started this journey, as an only child and also having to work, staying with Papi is not an option for me. I'll tell you my story but if I were you definitely a new doc, a good primary physician, geriatric preferably; I know this is not easy but you need to try. It sounds like Dementia, or the dreaded Alzheimer's. She needs to be properly diagnosed. Papi had a bad fall, leading to sudural hematoma and surgery, during this event my Mom uped and died, just like that. He went to Rehab, doc insists it's not Alz, I am no Dr. but I know my Dad, and that wasn't him, his recovery from the surgery was short of miraculous, he is 80 years old. His memory is shot, he has terrible imbalance due to fall and incontinence. He never had to deal with any of this before, believe me recoup at home wasn't pretty. Apparently he had many mini strokes, leading to the fall. So, he recuperates at home with me (I was away from work for 2 months, I work for SAINTS). I contacted Aging Services in my State and voila found a PCH, in my heart I knew this was not what he needed but I had to get him to the States ASAP, no one else to take care of him but me, so on the plane we get. The PCH is 1 hour from my home sans traffic, so I immediately tell the owner, this is temporary, until I find something more appropriate and get him diagnosed. I lucked out and found a wonderful primary care physician, and I found this web site, the doc has diagnosed him with Alz and are working on proper meds to assist. And this web site provided numerous ALF and I found one that deals exclusively with Memory Care, he moved yesterday. He hasn't had the violent reaction yet, but yes the paranoia and extreme anxiety to go HOME to his home, he constantly forgets where he is, yet he seems to be acclimating OK so far, so it's in God's hands. Please find a new doc. I hope this helps, I know this is going to be a very long road for you and me, many in this industry have been very kind to me, and insist as her care giver YOU must TAKE CARE OF YOU. I've been reading quite a bit about this unforgiving disease, and it does help to understand it better even though all patients have different issues. Blessings for you and your Mom. Be patient, this ride is just beginning. So, be persistent and vigilant. God Bless.

I always encourage my clients to find a physician that specializes in geriatrics.  Most major hospitals will have this specialty listed on their web site.  Some hospitals also have geropsych programs which would actually admit a person to the hospital in order to have a team observe and work with the patient in order to determine the correct medications needed and get them regulated.  You did not say if you had considered using a senior home care agency.  They would be able to care for your mom when you cannot be there (or even when you are there).  My company, Visiting Angels is one such agency.  There are many others.  Just make sure if you go that route that you find a reputable agency and get references.  Finally, you may want to seek out a Geriatric Care Manager.  They can be very helpful in finding the local resources and helping you work through the details.  They charge for their services, but they can save you a lot of time and simplify the process for you.

 Good luck.

 I would suggest contacting your local, non-profit Alzheimer's Association.  there are different groups depending on where you live.  They have a range of support services, home consultation, 'day-camp' type activities and all (as well as informational conferences where you can meet leaders in the profession).  They will help whether or not the problem is severe dementia or specifically Alzheimer's - they don't discriminate in that regard, as the symptoms, problems, and constructive activities are so similar.

I strongly advise this.  Depending on your area, you may be surprised by the level of support.  They will also likely be able to help you connect with the right doctors, etc. 

Gertrude