Hi John,
I'm in the process of trying to protect my parents assets. They've just moved to my area and were being 'looked after' my oldest sister n another state. I only found out recently that this sister moved in with them last August (I found out in November). What, if anything, can I do, while I have a hostile sister that is in the mix? She's badgering my mother (phone calls every few minutes, yelling sometimes; storming in the house and slamming doors left and right, etc.) who just suffered a stroke 12 days ago, but was released from the hospital. Her husband is too old to take care of her but is devoted to her despite what's going on.
Most importantly, the financial accounts show thousands and thousands of dollars written to this sister and mostly in the last 3 months from all their different accounts. This sister is making wild accusations and threats against any one in the family. She made it clear that she was exhausted and overwrought from taking care of both my parents and I told her that myself and my other sister will take over from her so that she can start a new life, get a new job, etc. I'm discovering that my sister is not well, she has been depressed most of her life, but especially after an abusive marriage; she's obsessive compulsive; she can fly off the handle and then a bit later, talk calmly -- perhaps she's having a nervous breakdown, I don't know. My mother says she gave her money so that she wouldn't hurt herself. My mother doesn't seem to realize that she's given her the power to take every cent they have as well as already giving her almost all of their savings. My mother is in her 80's and has been 90% immobile for years and now with the stroke, needs or wants 24 hour care. My father is much more active, still drives, reads The Economist and enjoys all sorts of hobbies, but my mother has not allowed him to do anything without her, except get her stuff and go to church. My mother also berates and belittles my father and until I saw him come to life after being with me for 6 days, I believed my mother's stories.
My sister hates my father and openly demonstrates this by yelling, scolding, swearing at him, etc. She took over their financesand got power of attorney recently - my father tells me with a form off the internet. The hostility was there but escalated when my mother told my sister that she and her 3 cats could not move in with them last week. Unfortunately, my mother told her this the day she was coming in from out of state to move in with them. She'd previously told her she could live with them until she found a job and place to live, but didn't want her cats in the house because the lease prohibits that. However, my mother denies this now. Everyday she changes the story and says it's my dad's fault that she's been thrown out on the street, and yesterday that it was my fault. Meanwhile, my sister was given a huge sum of money last week, more than enough to tide her over for 6 months or more while she finds a job. She drives a Cadillac, my parents gave her a gas card (my parents also bought the car for her) and she's staying in a hotel that accepts pets nearby.
My father said she took away all my checkbooks and is aware that she does do things for them and that my mother pays her for it. However, when I started looking at all the check registers and saw the thousands of dollars logged in to my sister, my father was shocked at the amounts. And also bewildered because his savings are almost gone and he's been the breadwinner. He also said, that they (my sister and mother) are trying to get me declared incompetent to have me moved out; they tried to get my driver's license taken away;they've had me on a starvation diet (because of my mother's health, she's eating very little and very bland food), if I buy food, I see it's gone as soon as my older sister sees it, etc.. it goes on and on. However, my father is devoted to my mother (despite the craziness) and tender with her - he's 1/2 her weight and he helps her shower, gets everything for her, etc. He is slowly starting to realize the extent of the money issues - but he's so confused at the same time.
While I'm trying to secure what's left for them and find-appropriate care and establish my mother's post-stroke therapies and find them a permanent place to live that suits both their needs, my sister is making threats and accusations that I'm 'brainwashing, abusing, elder-care abuse" and anything else you can think of toward me and doing it all by calling or vising my mother in person. I fear for my father's safety, and my mother's, although I don't think she'll turn on her until the money source dries up (if I can accomplish that), and also for her own safety - because she's obviously "lost it".
I'm trying to focus on getting a new power of attorney and start the process to put what is left of my parents money in a trust. As well, getting her medical needs attended to by following the doctor's instructions and they are helping to determine her home care or living situation needs - this week, as we just got into town and the appointments scheduled. And trying to keep my father safe - but I cannot be there 24 hours a day.
Thank you for any advice.