A Place for Mom's Family

Hello!
My mom has had a stroke which she is unable to talk really well (she is getting speech therapy) and her walking is not very well.  When asked questions she cannot convey what it is she is thinking really well.  For example if I ask : "do you mean pills?"  she will say no and then if I reask the question at a later time she will say yes.  She also has short term memory loss.

 Am I wrong in not wanting her to drive??  She seems to think I am the monster here. 

 Your thoughts and input would be deeeeply appppreciated![:'(]

In my opinion, you are not being a monster.  It sounds like she doesn't need to be driving if she has a slower reaction time.  You may want to talk with the physician to help you with this.  Sometimes, not all the time, it helps when a physician says "you can't drive" rather than a family member.

Hi Michelle,

Loss of driving priviledges  can be very frustrating as many sneiorssee it as a  alck of independence - and rightly so.   There may be some local services in your area that offer driving evaluations for seniorss. Your best bet would  be to call a local advisor for some resources.  Also the AAA club is a good option as well. It may be  much easier for your mom to hear it from someone else. Please let us know how it goes!

 

Hello! 

 The suggestions you've already received are all great!  I am simply writing to you to thank you for courage to do the right thing.  If you don't think your mother can drive, then do not let and then consult the professionals to find out if your opinion was the correct one.  Stay strong...(I'm new to these postings but can safely add that) you have a great support system within APFM.

 

Thank you for your support.  My mom is/was a very independant woman.  She just does not care what others think.  Its really stressful here in my home. 

The next visit to the doctors I will bring up about the car, among others concerns.

Thank you so much for taking the time and giving helpful information.

 Mickymar

DO NOT allow her to drive.... it may not be a comfortable conversation, but you MUST

step in and keep her and other drivers/pedestrians/bicylists safe. 

 

My Dad had a stroke in November, and my 3 siblings and I are having to intervene since

Mom thinks that he's "okay enough" to drive...even tho the doctors have told him NO...

 

 

I realize its an uncomfortable situation.  I being alone am having one heck of a time with my mom.  The doctor told her that she should be walking with a walker and NO driving.  Of course she is strong headed, I do realize its very hard to let go of ones independance, however even when you explain the saftey issue, they only still see it their way.

Wish I had some siblings.  I know for you all it is very hard. I have a cousin, that helps, but at times it is just not quite enough. 

Thanks you so much for your input!

 

 In my opinion, this is just a case of a senior citizen still wanting to be able to do something and not lose their worth in the society.  Just make her feel that she is still wanted and maybe convince her in a subtle way that you would like to drive for her or some sort.  This will be very difficult if she lives alone and has tha capacity to go out on a car and drive by herself though.

What you did was right. Your mom is not fit to drive on her own. I know it feels bad and you feel like a monster for not letting her do things she wants but this is for her own safety. Make her understand that you're doing this because you love here and you truly care for her. Driving alone is not safe with the condition she has. If you can't drive her to the hospital or anywhere else, maybe you can hire an elder care specialist or caregiver who can do this for her.