When I was through with college, my family decided that because I didn't have a job and no plans for the immediate future, that I should be the one to spend a month at Grandma's house in Florida packing her up to move into a senior community. My grandmother had Alzheimer's, but no one knew how far along it truly was. So off I go from the cold weather of upstate NY to sunny Florida. I was so excited to be given this opportunity. A young college graduate heading to sunny florida to live in this beautiful house on the beach....until I got there. Reality set in. I had to clean through 50 years of "stuff" that my grand parents had accumulated through the years of their lives. I had to decide what was to be kept and given to grandchildren, what was to be packed for her new home and what was to be donated.
Two weeks into this "adventure", I came down the stairs for breakfast. Grandma was sitting at the kitchen table next to a suitcase filled with her favorite things. She also was wearing EVERY peice of jewelry she owned. She even took some of her earings and clipped them to her shirt. I took one look at her and being as young and naive as I was....started laughing. Hysterically laughing. She started crying and told me that everything in the suitcase and everything on her were gifts from my grandfather (who had died the year before). I could get rid of anything else in the house, but not these things. I learned the hardest lesson of my entire life that day.
I took Grandma in my arms and cried with her. I told her how sorry I was and that I would never get rid of her stuff....she said these are my only memories. I promised to keep them safe for her.
My grandmother moved into an independant living community, then to assisted lving, then to a memory care community and finally a skilled nursing home all in the span of the next 10 years. I visited her often in the first years as I still lived in the area. Then my life moved me back to NY and I started my own family. I only saw her once a year after that....but she no matter how much her disease progressed,,,,she had moments of lucidity when I visited. She would always tell me to remember to protect her memories...the suitcase filled with her memories.
My grandmother passed away in July of 2003. after the funeral my Aunt pulled me aside. She handed me an old suitcase. She said she didn't know what was in it...grandma had given it to her 10 years earlier and made her promise not to open it and said "when I am gone give this to Maria, she will know what to do."
It was her suitcase of memories. There wasn't much in it, but she had written a little story for each item and labeled them, one for each grandchild. She had one special thing for all 14 of us. She had instructions on when to give each item as a gift from her. I still have the suitcase, there are 7 more "gifts" that have not been given....
I was "given" a silk scarf on my wedding day....I loved that scarf....but my gift was truly the suitcase. To be given the honor to keep her memories alive, to "protect" her memories from being thrown away.
My point in sharing this story is to try to help others during the moving days. Don't pack, throw away or change anything in front of your loved one. It is too hard for them, too confusing. During visits at their new home, bring a few objects at a time and have them tell their story about each thing. Let them share their memories with you. Protect their memories...