A Place for Mom's Family

This article continues at Elderly Assisted Living. 

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A Place For Ruth  Ruth Kimmerer greeted late middle age by traveling the globe. Not satisfied with simply seeing the sites, the spirited woman would devise a mission to her travels. Once, she even smuggled birth control devices behind the Iron Curtain into Romania. “My mother-in-law loved to learn languages, so traveling offered a natural extension,” Judy Kimmerer remembers. “She spoke seven languages fluently at one point.” Described as “fiercely independent,” Ruth raised four children while working as an administrative assistant for the Department of Pharmacology at the University of Rochester (her husband died when her eldest child was 15).  But as Ruth aged, it became clear to her children, who had all left Rochester for points west, that her living situation required change. Her doctor cited early onset Alzheimer’s as the reason Ruth should relocate closer to one of her children. Her son Rob (Judy’s husband) was the natural choice.

This article continues at Elderly Assisted Living. 

This story is much like the one my mother is currently living. When my father died at the age of 69 my mother lived by herself for two years. We noticed that she kept falling alot and that her diet had become mostly pies and candy. Since the neighborhood that I had grown up in was becoming very transitional and in fact dangerous we decided to move Mom to live in a mother-in-law suite we built onto our house. We had seven good years before Mom started having problems. At first I noticed that she was continually having to have help with working her remote control for the TV and the microwave. She refused to learn how to use the dishwasher.

She had always been very active in the church and had started a Tuesday morning ladies meeting. All of a sudden Mom decided she did not want to go to church or participate in the acitvities that she had always enjoyed. After talking to her I found out that she could not remember the names of her friends and how to pray as she always had. Mom had a bad fall while I was traveling on business so when I returned I decided we needed to have her checked out.

One of the saddest days of my life was when the doctor called me in to discuss Mom's test results. This is the day I was informed she had Alzheimer's and was probably in the first to middle stage. In my mind, I had suspected this in my heart I had denied it. The phone calls from her friends talking about her strange behavior suddenly became clear. It was time to make a decision about Mom. We could no longer leave her alone and since I could not quit working we found an assisted living facility for her.

For two years the assisted living worked well, now I am currently having to move Mom again. This time to a memory care unit that has levels 2 & 3 care available. The issue is money. I have learned so much about what is available and what it costs. All assisted living in Georgia is private pay and very expensive.  My brother and I figure we have enough savings for 4 to 5 more years and after that we hope and pray that Mom does not outlive her funds.

I know that many would think this is a horrible thought but if you have witnessed this disease with your loved one, then you understand.

Elaine - Katie's daughter

Elaine, thank you so much sharing your story and experience with your mother. 

Thank you for this article. I have been trying to talk to my mom about getting help and she doesn't want strangers in her home which is typical. I go down there once a month to help clean and do laundry and fix meals, but it is taking a toll on me. She is content to be isolated, but this worries me. I have hope now, that if I take her to a place, that maybe she will be open to that.

Touching article.  Gentle reminder reagarding the cycle of life that  loved one coping with the battles of dementia eventually meet.  My mom is stuck between the reality that she is at the second - final stage of dementia - while I am trying to show  patience with 2 sisters - who do not provide the necessary care & yet,  I still seek to involve in Mom's care.  She needs placement in an Ida Culver type setting now - where she will be happy & well taken care of -& we can visit & return her love.   But I am in the cross hairs of doing what is best for her & what is amicable with my sisters.  So I recently allowed my sister to take my mother for a month or two - before her final placement - and maybe in that way - she will experience  what she refused to understand  - That dementia does take over - And the best we can do and find the best resource we can to care for the beauty & the dignity that's left - I do believe as care givers we mus thonor the dignity of the person, the soul, that's still there   - But they are in South Carolina - where resources are limited (no pun intended) - and I am in Florida - in a city  where resources for Mom's care are unlimited and wonderful!  So your article reminded me that upon her return - and if she returns to me again - I will place her where she too can recline and be at peace in a setting with others who also deserve a beautiful place to sit and relax the day away. 

I really like the positivity in this blog.  So many stories about parents with Alzheimers can be negative and sad, but I was very uplifted by your story of your Mom.  Thank you so much for posting!