A Place for Mom's Family

Just wondering how to deal with emotional mahem of good days and 'off' days Dad has. communication is difficult on off days. is just sitting with him enough or should we do something eveytime I visit?

Jerriann -

Does your dad give you any signs as to what would work best for him?  Does he want to be helped out of an "off" day?  and if so, what are the things that bring him joy?  Perhaps it is certain music, or a card game, or looking through old photo albums? 

Of course sitting with him and being close is lovely.  What does your intuition say about the situation when you get quiet and listen? 

Questions for your question ....

It is nice your father has someone caring for him in such a way - Bravo!

Merret Mann

Thank you! Your suggestions are really good. I never thought to ask him how he wants to be treated on his 'off' days nor did I realize that just sitting with him was good for him too. Sometimes I think I have to be 'doing' something when sitting quietly IS doing something.

 thank you,

Jerriann

Here are some thoughts:

1. 'just sitting' can be very powerful.  I don't think that you need to find something to talk about all the time.  Maybe just packing a book when you visit, or a magazine, and 'just sit' with him would be sufficient.  Maybe during that time, your dad will say something and you can pick up on that and go from there.  When you leave, may I suggest that you simply tell your dad that you love him, or you are glad for your visit.  Even if you dad says nothing or is having difficulty communicating, remember that he might still be able to hear well, and -perhaps- process information a lot better than he can convey it, so being proactive with such comments can build bridges for future visits.

2.  Ask questions.  They might help you get a better bead on where your dad is in his thinking.

3.  Remember the things that your dad liked to do, and if possible, consider being proactive by taking the lead and gently suggesting to your father that you would like to do such and such.  

4.  When was the last time your dad had a complete physical?  Perhaps you might find out somethings that might help you to better care for your dad if you knew more of why he is having 'good' and 'bad' days.

Take Care

Michael

dismantling disabilities

Wonderful. your ideas/suggestions are great. thank you. I appreciate your time as well for helping. this is all so new to me. was not prepared for the emotions that come with it all.

I asked Dad on his 'good' day how he wanted me to help him on the days he has difficulty remembering and he told me right out to help him remember. he does not understand why he forgets so he wants me to help him remember. it was a nice chat. thank you! I think it helped him as well as it helped me. He seemed relieved to tell someone he was upset about not being able to remember simple things.

Now when I go I take quilting or read his paper with him and I am calmer. I didn't realize I wasn't calm earlier.

 thank you!!

 Jerriann,

 I am glad that the suggestions helped. 

 Keep us posted.

 Michael

dismantling disabilities