A Place for Mom's Family

True or false.

Is change to the home  such as painting, or new carpeting,  re-arranging furnuture confuse further.with those suffering from Dimentia- Alzheimers? Removing items that this Dad once enjoyed, such as Moms porcalin dolls which she personally hand made. Mom passed away 5 years ago. My sister moved in and the entire place is to her [Sister's]  pleasing, not Dad who is the one who has Dimentia. Am I wrong to feel like this?

 I   say true,

do not make a lot of changes because with all going on Dad in Dads head. Dad needs to at least feel like it is still his home.I just feel so bad for Dad, this is such a cruel disease.

Kathy,

My name is Denise Salabarria, I'm an Eldercare Advisor with A Place for Mom and have been working with families for appx 6 years.  I've worked with thousands of families over the years and have heard many, many stories.  I'll have to say that I do agree with you.  For people suffering from Dementia change can be very difficult and can sometimes cause increased confusion for the individual with the disease.  Think about how difficult it is for you or I to adjust to change, then put yourself in the shoes of  someone who has short term memory loss.  If it takes us several weeks to get used to where we moved the trash can to in the kitchen it could take someone with Dementia months to figure it out.  I hope this helps. 

Warm Regards,

Denise Salabarria, Eldercare Advisor

A Place for Mom

Kathy,

Denise is right - change can cause a lot of frustration and interrupt the peace and harmony within a home.  My mother has dementia.  She is in the moderate stages.  Routine is paramount in keeping her calm.  She also prefers the "familiar".  This means that she might want the same food for each meal and wear the same clothes day after day.  

When I went home for Christmas I had intended to sleep in the guest room.  The guest bed is where her dolls sleep.  For me to remove the dolls and sleep in the bed would have thrown her into a total anxiety state - and literally ruined Christmas.  Instead of trying to reason with her or insist they be moved, I chose to sleep on the sofa.  I have found that instead of trying to "change" her - you have to be the one to change your habits.  Keep things simple and familiar!  If you move things around, especially the familiar items you may be relocating an anchor that is allowing the senior to function as well as they are on their own.  If the dolls you mention that were your mom's are a comfort to your Dad, then by all means he may need to have them out.  You may be surprised, however, the things you think sometimes have significance in their lives, are now meaningless, and some things that appear life and death will seem very odd.   

You are so correct in that this is a very cruel disease.  It is also difficult for the family to understand how the mind is now functioning.  Personality changes, behavior changes and even expressions are different.  My advice is if sometimes gives him JOY, it doesn't matter what it is - why not a hot dog for breakfast?  This is why Assisted Living communities who specialize in memory care provide a nurturing environment for seniors with dementia.  They kinda shrink a large complex world into the simplest form that provides routine and allows the resident to function as independently as possible.  Once you simplify life to the basics and support what someone can no longer do for themselves, you will see a "glimpse" of the loved one you remember. 

I wish you and your sister well in your journey with your Dad - try to keep a sense of humor - you will need it!

 I agree with the responses to your inquiry Kathy. After my dad passed away, the home was in need of some cosmetic changes such as replacing the carpet and making the home a safer environment for my mother to stay in her home of 38 years. My mother is in the moderate stages as well of this disease. I have learned to involve her in the decisions of her surroundings which at first was a battle because she didn't want changes made. This process took about 6 months to complete but on a weekly basis we would go "window shopping" for this change and then after getting a few samples to take home with us and share the decision of color together, she was then able to process the idea of this change. The same technique we will use for painting this summer. We are taking these changes at a very slow snail's pace and not rushing her into decisions but keeping them consistant until she is ready to make the adjustment. After all it is her house and not mine. We've made other subtle changes as well along the way, but we encourage her to be in the process of the decisions. Many blessings to you Kathy. And please know that you are not alone in this struggle. 

Rainbow 

Your sister sounds like she had great intentions and maybe wanted to clean up Dad's place a bit, but you are correct that Dad is going through a horrible time himself, and you want him to feel safe and secure.  Your Mom's things may also be upsetting for your sister to see as reminder's of Mom.  One idea might be to leave a few very special things that would trigger Dad's happy memories, but to remove some clutter to keep things as simple as possible.  What appears to be pretty decor to us might seem to be visual chaos if Dad's coping/cognitive skills are diminished.  Keeping important items/pieces of furniture in the same spot is important, however, as Dad is using them (subconsciously) for visual cues or hints that this is "home."  Even if moving Dad to a new place, try to set up the room the same way with as many of his familiar items as possible.  Consistency and familiarity is key to keeping Dad internally comfortable and feeling as much "at home" wherever he may be, as possible.  As time passes, Dad's memory may be much stronger around things from farther and farther back.  Keep this in mind when choosing the items that stay.  Dad will remember things from younger years best.  Its clear he has good support from two very caring daughters :)