It has been cloudy and rainy for five of the last six days. For me that means everything I do and all my thoughts are slower. My sense of time and place are confused. My ability to understand, speak, and remember are at question. I am uncertain of my ability to perform daily activities such as planning meals.(Thank you David for being such a support this week.)
I have a Community Bible Study tomorrow; that's another opportunity for an emotionally charged event. What if I just can't keep up? What if I say something inappropriate? Fear!!!!!........ah, what's the worst that can happen? I know......I'll just keep on Dancing!
I can watch a movie but I can't follow the storyline. It now takes DVD's because I need to see a movie over and over to understand just what's going on.
David and I recently rented "Away From Her", a story of a woman slipping deeper and deeper into Alzheimer's. I can't get this movie out of my mind. It was slow moving, and held my attention enough to repeat it. By watching movies over and over I see things I missed the first or second time around. My mind stumbles over many words and I find myself focusing on details that have nothing to do with the story. I can tell you what the color of a dress is but not remember what was said.
The first part of this movie was so very real to me. The scene where Fiona puts the frying pan into the freezer reminded me of the time I found my shoes in the fridge. We laughed about it but that was because it was easier than talking about it. Often we laugh when we don't know what else to do.
I now know why I love the classic movie channel. Only movies that I remember from my youth give me pleasure. Thank you Mr. Turner for the gift you give so many in this same boat! I know I am not alone. This is a subject I have not heard about from others, but I know enough now to recognize that much of what is happening to me is just part of life with dementia.
I am so thankful for all the people I have met and talked with these past two years who understand Alzheimer's and are willing to talk about it. Let's pull together and get rid of the stigma.